Monday, December 31, 2007

ODDS & ENDS NEW YEAR'S EVE - HAPPY NEW YEAR

Bill and Hillary Clinton spent the weekend campaigning separately. It's a good tandem. While Hillary was in Iowa offering free health care Saturday, Bill was in Texas offering to take Jessica Simpson off Tony Romo's hands til after the Super Bowl.

Charlie Wilson's War opened Friday, about a hard-drinking and coke-snorting and womanizing U.S. congressman who secretly helped Muslim rebels beat the Soviet Army in Afghanistan in the Eighties. In the end he felt betrayed. He helped Ronald Reagan to defeat the Soviets and then Nancy Reagan thanked him by overthrowing his lifestyle.

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates reported back to Washington Friday following his fact-finding mission to Iraq. Despite recent military success, the government remains completely dysfunctional. Perhaps the United States isn't ready for democracy.

Rudy Giuliani ordered his New York-bound plane to turn around and return to St. Louis where he was hospitalized Wednesday. He insisted on going to Barnes Jewish Hospital. He did not want any of Mike Huckabee's people standing near the oxygen hose.

House Democrats adjourned Congress Friday with approval ratings even lower than the president's. It's just awful. If congressmen weren't allowed to wear their pants any higher than their approval ratings, they'd all be doing Bill Clinton impressions.

Barack Obama complained Thursday about his opponents bringing up his past drug use. He admits using cocaine, but he now acts wounded if anyone brings it up. Iowa voters are very upset that he used cocaine, they believe he should have used ethanol.

Hillary Clinton campaigned in New Hampshire Saturday in the lobby of a YWCA in the town of Manchester. She's always had a soft spot in her heart for New Hampshire. The state's motto is Live Free or Die, and Bill had it inserted in their marriage vows.
Mike Huckabee said the glowing cross over his shoulder in his Christmas ad was accidental.

He says that's just how the light hit a bookcase behind him. As long as Mike Huckabee is campaigning, how can Burger King call itself the Home of the Whopper?

Hillary Clinton promised to fulfill America's promise to veterans at the Iowa Veterans Home in Marshalltown. She once tried to enlist in the Marines in the early Seventies, but she was turned down. They told her we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.

President Bush warned reporters on Thursday about the danger of Iran's nuclear program. He really shouldn't worry. If history is any guide, Iran will use its nuclear power for peaceful purposes, unless somebody draws a cartoon they don't like.

Rudy Giuliani had to assure reporters Monday he's perfectly healthy. The press has been grilling him about tests done in a St. Louis hospital last week. Apparently someone in Hillary's campaign is spreading rumors that he tested positive for cocaine.

Democratic officials expressed worry Monday about how to get first-time caucus goers to show up at the Iowa caucuses next week. The candidates worry their people have promised to show up but they won't keep their promises. What goes around comes around.

Benazir Bhutto was killed while waving to the crowd through the sunroof of her car. It's a campaign issue. Hillary called for calm, John McCain called for action, and Ralph Nader may join the race just to raise the issue that sunroofs are dangerous.

The Israeli Ambassador at the United Nations began, “Ladies and gentlemen, before I commence with my speech, I want to relay an old Passover story to all of you…

“When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt toward the Promised Land, he had to go through the nearly endless Sinai desert. The people became thirsty and needed water. So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his staff and a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. The people rejoiced and drank to their hearts’ contend.

“Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when Moses came out of the water, he discovered that al his clothes had been stolen. “And,” he said, “I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole my clothes.”

The Palestinian delegate, hearing this accusation, jumps from his seat and screams out, “This is a travesty. It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at that time!”

“And with that in mind,” said the Israeli Ambassador, “let me now begin my speech.”

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After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by GeorgeWashington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What the hell did you think I said?"
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The Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him, "George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Bush asks.

Mahmoud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."

Bush says, "You know, Mahmoud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmoud asks.

Bush replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."
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Chelsea Clinton was departing her plane at the airport and came upon a soldier and proceeded to talk to him.
She asked him where he had been, to which he replied “Baghdad”. She praised him for what he had done for the country and asked “Were you scared?”

He replied, “No, but I am scared about what I am facing as I return to the United States.” Chelsea asked, “What are you afraid of as you return to the United States?”

He looked seriously at her and said “I am afraid of three things: Osama, Obama and Yomama.”
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In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers during the playoffs.

She claimed she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. Because of this she understands how to pick up a corner blitz and knows the terminology of the Packers offense. A poll of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move.

Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you?
Yet Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed.
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here."

JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it."

PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."

BILL CLINTON: " I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?"

AL GORE: "I invented the chicken!"

DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"

AL SHARPTON: "Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens."

HILLARY CLINTON: "I have vast experience with chickens and if elected, I will ensure that EVERY chicken has the ability to cross any road they desire."

Hat Tip Pookie 18

Saturday, December 29, 2007

VALLEY FEVER SPREADING IN PRISONS

COALINGA, Calif. — When any of the 5,300 inmates at Pleasant Valley State Prison begin coughing and running a fever, doctors do not think flu, bronchitis or even the common cold.

They think valley fever; and, more often than they would like, they are right.

In the past three years, more than 900 inmates at the prison have contracted the fever, a fungal infection that has been both widespread and lethal.

At least a dozen inmates here in Central California have died from the disease, which is on the rise in other Western states, including Arizona, where the health department declared an epidemic after more than 5,500 cases were reported in 2006, including 33 deaths.

Endemic to parts of the Southwest, valley fever has been reported in recent years in a widening belt from South Texas to Northern California. The disease has infected archaeologists digging at the Dinosaur National Monument in Utah and dogs that have inhaled the spores while sniffing for illegal drugs along the Mexican border.

In most cases, the infection starts in the lungs and is usually handled by the body without permanent damage. But serious complications can arise, including meningitis; and, at Pleasant Valley, the scope of the outbreak has left some inmates permanently disabled, confined to wheelchairs and interned in expensive long-term hospital stays.

About 80 prison employees have also contracted the fever, Pleasant Valley officials say, including a corrections officer who died of the disease in 2005.

What makes the disease all the more troubling is that its cause is literally underfoot: the spores that cause the infection reside in the region’s soil.

When that soil is disturbed, something that happens regularly where houses are being built, crops are being sown and a steady wind churns, those spores are inhaled.

Monday, December 24, 2007

ODDS & ENDS - XMAS EVE

Journalists discover the Earth will explode in 12 hours. How do they cover it?

The New York Times would announce: "World Ends Tomorrow; Women, Minorities Will Suffer Most."

USA Today would counter with: "We're Outta Here!"

Meanwhile The Washington Post would feature: "Everything's Just Fine, Anonymous CIA Source says."
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As the good news began emanating from Iraq this fall, the McClatchy News Service, lauded by media leftists like Bill Moyers as having the smart reporters who always thought the Iraq War was a fight without a point, ran this headline:

"As Violence Falls in Iraq, Cemetery Workers Feel the Pinch."

(Alan Note: another MEDIA attempt to denigrate the Surge reported that "gangsterism has increased since the surge"!

They were referring to one neighborhood where the locals had tapped into a city water pipe and were stealing the water!!!)

If that is the BAD news, then we have made huge progress.
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A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, ‘God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 minutes.’

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, ‘Here I am God. I’m still waiting.’

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the Professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, ‘What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?’

The Marine calmly replied, ‘God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot.

So, He sent me.’
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Stephen Colbert was voted AP Celebrity of the Year by newspaper editors and broadcast producers who said Colbert had the biggest impact on pop culture in 2007.

He finished just a nudge above J.K. Rowling, who authored the final book in her enormously popular "Harry Potter" series.

Finishing third was Al Gore, whose year included an Oscar, an Emmy, a Nobel Peace Prize and the global concert Live Earth.

Colbert has declined interviews during the writers strike that has shuttered his show, but he told The Associated Press by e-mail:

"In receiving this award, I am pleased that I was chosen over two great spinners of fantasy — J.K. Rowling and Al Gore."
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Barack Obama's campaign staffers on Friday dismissed any suggestion that his past cocaine use might become a harmful campaign issue. Cocaine makes you feel like you rule the world. Everybody who quits the drug runs for president just to fill the hole.

Hillary Clinton reminded Iowans on Friday there's nothing new that Republicans can throw at her after sixteen years of battle. She said she was tested. If your husband slept around like Bill Clinton did, you would be tested too, and regularly.

Mike Huckabee chided President Bush Friday for having an arrogant bunker mentality on foreign policy and added that it's time for a change from the president's go-it-alone style. It's official.

You couldn't be sure the world had turned upside down until a Southern Baptist told an Episcopalian to loosen up and go with the flow.

The Weather Channel showed snow and ice and cold temperatures blanketing a lot of America Monday. It caused confusion.

There was momentary euphoria at Democratic headquarters when the USA Today weather map showed that there are now forty-nine blue states. (Editor's note: Al Gore called for a recount)

John Edwards spent Sunday in Iowa pitching his universal health plan. His plan could make a difference. It turns out all the king's horses and all the king's men could have put Humpty together again, but the procedure wasn't covered by his insurance.

Hillary Clinton's campaign chartered a helicopter Sunday so she can fly around the state of Iowa and shake hands with the voters for five days. Her aides have dubbed it the Hill-O-Copter.
Pretending to be Irish has always worked for her husband.

Barack Obama attended church in Mason City on Sunday at the First Congregational Church. This is the denomination of the Puritan settlers who landed in America. He is doing absolutely everything he can to distance himself from these drug allegations.

Hillary Clinton denied any role in bringing up Barack Obama's past cocaine use. Her pal Bob Kerrey said he only mentioned that Barack's middle name was Hussein as a compliment. Tune in next week when they assure Senator Barbara Mikulski they don't tell Polish jokes.

Ron Paul set a fundraising record with six million dollars in one day Sunday. He's for a pullout from Iraq, abolishing the IRS and legalizing pot. Eighteen-year-olds got the vote thirty-five years ago but this is the first time they've considered using it.

The National Enquirer said Wednesday that John Edwards has a pregnant girlfriend who has gone into hiding for the duration of the campaign. It would finish him if he got some girl pregnant. He has been claiming for years that he's a protectionist.

Afghanistan reported a record poppy harvest Monday, threatening a worldwide increase in opium. It's about to be a campaign issue. Hillary Clinton wants it known that a Muslim country with a drug problem is in no way a veiled reference to Barack Obama.

Time magazine named Vladimir Putin Person of the Year on Wednesday. He owes his entire career to the magazine's parent company Time Warner. Most people get a lot of laughs when they first see Arsenic and Old Lace, but Vladimir Putin got the recipe.

Rudy Giuliani gave an interview Wednesday and cited threats against him by the mob as the reason he had to give police protection to his mistress. He knows both sides. The difference between the Mafia and the government is that one of them is organized.

The National Enquirer reported Wednesday that John Edwards got a young lady pregnant while campaigning for president this summer. This can only mean one thing. John Edwards has decided he won't concede the adultery vote to the Clintons without a fight.

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately; illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida.

Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It's a win-win situation.

1. Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.

2. Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.

3. Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican
border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

HAT TIP POOKIE 18 (Merry Xmas to Pookie)

FBI WEEKLY NEWS ENDING DEC/21

FBI's Top Ten News StoriesFor The Week Ending December 21, 2007

1. St. Louis: Microsoft, Google, Yahoo! Pay Millions for Promoting Online Illegal Gambling

Microsoft Corporation, Google and Yahoo! agreed to pay a total of $31.5 million to resolve claims that between 1997 and 2007 they received payments from online gambling businesses for advertising online gambling. Full Story

2. Baltimore: Senior IRS Employee Charged in D.C. Property Tax Refund Scheme

Robert O. Steven, IRS division director, Modernization Information Technology Systems, and Patricia A. Steven were charged with receiving stolen property in connection with the D.C. property tax refund scheme. Full Story

3. Newark: Councilman Pleads Guilty to Accepting Bribes

Passaic City Council member Marcellus Jackson pled guilty to accepting bribes in return for his official assistance in steering public contracts to an undercover insurance company. Full Story

4. Richmond: Deputy Pleads Guilty to Mann Act Violation
Former Greene County Sheriff's Office Lt. Leftery N. "Terry" Tsouroutis pled guilty to violating the Mann Act and lying to FBI special agents. Full Story

5. Birmingham: Department of the Army Official Convicted on Public Corruption Charges

Jeffrey H. Stayton, former chief of the Aviation Division for the U.S. Army Test and Evaluation Command, was found guilty of honest services wire fraud and obstruction of justice. Full Story

6. Tampa: 3 Sentenced in Viatical Fraud Scheme

C. Keith LaMonda, his brother, Jesse W. LaMonda, and John L. Maynard were sentenced in a multi-million dollar fraud scheme and ordered to pay a total of $140 million to their victims. Full Story

7. Los Angeles: Film Executive Arrested for Paying Bribes to Thai Tourism Official

Gerald Green and his wife, Patricia Green, were arrested for making corrupt payments to a Thai government official in order to obtain lucrative contracts to run an international film festival in Bangkok. Full Story

8. Baltimore: Indonesian Sentenced for Conspiracy to Provide Material Support to a Foreign Terrorist Organization
Haji Subandi, an Indonesian citizen, was sentenced for conspiracy to provide material support to a designated foreign terrorist organization, money laundering, and attempted exportation of arms and ammunition. Full Story

9. Sacramento: "Grandma Bandit" Arrested

Valerie Harris, also known as the "Grandma Bandit," was arrested and charged with armed bank robbery. Full Story

10. Los Angeles: Brooklyn Rabbi and Associates Charged in Tax Fraud and Money Laundering Scheme

The Grand Rabbi of Spinka, Naftali Tzi Weisz, and several associates were charged in an indictment that alleges a wide-ranging conspiracy to defraud the U.S. government through tax fraud and money laundering. Full Story

Thursday, December 20, 2007

ODDS & ENDS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED

CLICK ON LINKS FOR ARTICLE

Red State Update: Hillary On Obama's Drug Use (video)

Recent Poll Surge Brings Attacks on Christ Child

Rush On CIA Tapes (video)

CIA Chief Offers Torture Tapes to Senate Panel

Lichtenstein Successfuly Tests Small Nuclear Weapon (video)

Faking Retardation Not A Rarity, Experts Say

algore: Global Warming Wonderland (audio)

Hat Tip Pookie 18

CHINESE DANGEROUS PRODUCTS

Things NOT to recycle

If the 21st century is truly destined to be "The Chinese Century" as so many trend experts predict, we're in for a fairly disgusting and unhygienic hundred years.

This little item should give you an idea of why. Apparently, the future masters of planet Earth are recycling used condoms, and re-purposing them as cheap hair bands.

Yes, you read that right: the Chinese are re-using CONDOMS as fashion items. If you want to take a moment to go to the restroom and vomit, I'll wait.

This report comes from the Chinese state-run media, and should come as no surprise to anyone who's been following the recent spate of dangerous Chinese imports like lead- paint toys and toxic toothpaste that have foundtheir way into American households.

These hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons throughout southern China. The fact that they sell for three cents for a bag of 10 probably accounts for their popularity.

So they're saving some money – but at what cost? The condoms may still contain bacteria and viruses in spite of the fact that they've been recycled.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Ron Paul's supporters plan to fly a blimp from North Carolina to New Hampshire this week with an ingenious marketing ploy. They make money by advertising on the blimp while promoting the candidate's name. Once this concept is explained to Paris Hilton and Oprah Winfrey the entire country will look like a hot air balloon festival.

Oprah Winfrey campaigned for Barack Obama at an Iowa stadium Saturday. They're a great team. Every time Barack Obama made a point about health care, education or foreign policy, Oprah would rattle a set of car keys and the crowd would go crazy.

Hillary Clinton fired two volunteers Sunday for passing along a hoax e-mail saying Barack Obama is a Muslim who plans to destroy America. Slandering him is a challenge for bigots. They tried to accuse him of fathering a black child but he didn't deny it.

Republican candidates held a presidential debate for Hispanic voters on Sunday in Florida, which aired on Spanish language television. They got a hostile reception. Almost one third of the studio audience had just been fired by Mitt Romney.

Rudy Giuliani said Sunday he won't give up his lucrative ownership of the Giuliani Partners consulting firm to become president. His pollsters advised him to look remorseful. Democrats believe it's okay to be rich as long as you just feel awful about it.

Al Gore accepted the Nobel Peace Prize on Monday at a glittering international ceremony in Oslo. His deep voice and slow delivery and polite tone nearly put the crowd to sleep. It made comedians realize how close we came to disaster seven years ago.

The Weather Channel reported Monday that ice storms cut power lines and closed schools in the Midwest. Ice was an inch thick on the roads. It was so cold in Iowa that people were showing up at Mike Huckabee rallies just for the fire and brimstone.

Mike Huckabee leaped into the lead for the GOP nomination in Monday's national polls. The Baptist minister is standing tall after months of being stuck in the mud. Mike Huckabee is starting to think there may be something to evolution after all.
Bill Clinton told Iowa voters he was so impressed with Hillary when they dated that he told her she should dump him and go home and run for office herself. You can bet she impressed him. He still has the impression in his forehead where the lamp hit him.

Senator Teddy Kennedy just signed the richest publishing deal in history to write his autobiography and have it ready for release in two years. The book itself could save lives. In case of an emergency it can be used as a flotation device.

The Weather Channel said snowstorms hit New Hampshire Thursday. It's a campaign issue. John Edwards blamed it on rich people who want to ski, Hillary didn't recall seeding the clouds, and Barack Obama denied that Snowplow was his nickname in college.

Democratic candidates held a debate in Iowa on Thursday. The biggest applause came when Chelsea Clinton walked into the room before the debate started. She won the Nobel Peace Prize eight years ago for keeping her parents from killing each other.

Hillary Clinton vowed to bring U.S. troops home from Iraq during the Iowa Democratic debate Thursday. She's trying to reverse her decline in the polls. If firefighters could slide down poles as fast as Hillary Clinton has, Malibu might still be standing.

Hat tip Pookie 18

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

ODDS & ENDS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED


In Case You Missed It Dept.

Franken vs. Franken: Iraq Edition (video)


Obama Agrees to Union Rules for Arena Rally


Bee Gores: I Started A Joke (audio)


White House Headache Remedy? (video)

Clinton calm in hangnail crisis

Hillary & The Hostage Crisis (video)

Hillary Farts During Debate (video)

Mike Huckabee got huge laughs at the GOP presidential debate Wednesday telling Jesus jokes and Hillary jokes. The candidate came out of nowhere. The best guess is he's just another striking comedy writer trying to get a job with health insurance.

Sudan jailed an English school teacher whose class named a teddy bear Muhammed Friday. Britain sent its first Muslim peer, Lord Ahmed, to Sudan to negotiate. Now evangelical Christians are angry at Great Britain for giving a Muslim the Lord's name.

Hillary Clinton's campaign office in New Hampshire was taken hostage Friday by a mentally disturbed local resident. He had what looked like a bomb taped to his chest. It's the last time Hillary Clinton ever names a teddy bear after Ronald Reagan.
President Bush met with Al Gore in the Oval Office Monday.

The timing of their meeting was no accident. The Palestinians and Israelis were meeting in the White House the next day and Don King arranged the Bush-Gore meeting to be on the undercard.

Hugo Chavez's national referendum seeking to limit press freedom, end property rights and nationalize the banks lost in Venezuela Sunday. Fidel Castro has to be disappointed. Five years of mentoring the guy and he's still putting things to a vote.

Mike Huckabee pulled close to Rudy Giuliani in the national GOP presidential polls Sunday. He regales crowds with very funny Hillary jokes and Jesus jokes. Rudy has plenty of great material too, but Mafia jokes have a limited appeal in South Carolina.

Vladimir Putin's United Russia party won a parliamentary majority in elections held Sunday. The president controlled the media, giving the opposition no chance to win. An optimist is anybody in Russia who stays up late to see how the elections came out.

Mike Huckabee vaulted to the top in the Iowa polls Monday after his hilarious performance with his Jesus jokes and his Hillary jokes in last week's GOP debate. Mike Huckabee laughs with Jesus and at Hillary. Democrats do it the other way around.

Rudy Giuliani dropped like a rock in the national polls Monday as his scandals began to catch up with him. They involve adultery, cronyism and public payroll padding. As a result, he is running fifth among Republicans but he leads all Democrats.

Mike Huckabee got testy Tuesday when he was asked if he supports the teaching of creationism in public schools. He said he believes God created the earth but he wasn't there when it happened. Everybody in Arkansas believes you can only know what you witness personally, that's why the Clintons were never convicted of anything.

Bill Clinton hired a campaign press secretary Sunday to handle the press while he's out campaigning for his wife. It turned out to be unnecessary. He hired the spokesman when he still thought he would have to be both for and against the Iran War.

The Writers Guild stayed on strike this week, still thinking they can get revenue from movies on the Internet. The Internet gives everything to everybody absolutely free. For the first time, people are starting to believe it was invented by a Democrat.

Mitt Romney stood up for his Mormon faith in a speech Thursday but he insisted his religion would never affect his policies. He compared himself to Jack Kennedy. The difference between them is, Mitt Romney would never support the idea of polygamy.

The United Nations Global Warming Conference got underway last week on the island of Bali. It's located in the Indonesian archipelago. Who else but the United Nations would go to a tropical island in December and then complain about warm weather.

Bill Clinton told Barbara Walters Thursday he would sit in on Hillary's cabinet meetings only if asked. He said he would give his advice in private. However, he does want the doggie door restored to the third floor hallway so he can come and go at night.

Courtesy Pookie 18

Sunday, December 2, 2007

INTELLIGENCE TERMINOLOGY

Author Jack King has put together this interesting list of "intel lingo", well worth a browse. Live links lead to expanded details.

AGENT / ASSET - person obtaining intelligence for an intelligence service, under control of a CASE officer
AGENT provocateur - for example a cop posing as member of a subersive group and enticing riots etc.
AIR America - CIA front company
ALLIANCE BASE - Alliance Base is the cover name for a secret Western Counterterrorist Intelligence Center (CTIC) that was allegedly established in 2002 in Paris. According to a Washington Post article, Alliance Base is funded by the CIA and its French equivalent, the DGSE. It allegedly hosts officers from Great Britain, France, Germany, Canada, Australia and the United States and is used for intelligence exchange and operational planning.
ALPHA Group, The
AMAN - Israel's military intelligence
ASIO - Australian Security Intelligence Organisation
ASIS - Australian Secret Intelligence Service
BIRDWATCHER - spy, usualy used in the UK
BLACK BAG operation - breaking in to install eavesdropping equipment, e.g. by the FBI
BLACK Propaganda
BLACK SITE - any classiffied facility for which the US government will deny existence (for example US torture prisons).
BLACK VAULT - funds free of governmental scrutiny - laundered, stolen, etc - every intelligence agency's fallback option
BLOWBACK - term used to describe the unintended consequences of covert operations
BLOWN - exposed as being a spy
BND - Bundesnachrichtendienst - German Foreign Intelligence Service
BRAINWASHING - in Societies where the government maintains tight control of both the mass media and education system, and were media stand firmly behind the government, brainwashing is used to disseminate propaganda on a particularly intensive scale, the overall effect can be to brainwash large sections of the population (See FOX News). This is particularly effective where nationalist or religious sentiment is invoked and where the population is poorly educated and has limited access to independent or foreign media.
BRUSH PASS - momentary person to person contact, usually to exchange physical intelligence.
BUG - a covert listening or recording device. Listening device is easier to detect as it emits signals. Recording device is 'on' only during recording, but is usually bigger. Both can be remotely turned on/off
BURNT - exposed spy, operative who became known as a spy.
C3I - command, control, communications and intelligence - Command and control refers to the ability of the military commander to direct his forces. The addition of Communications to the grouping reflects the fact that communications is required to enable this coordination. In modern warfare, computers are also a key component. Intelligence is the knowledge relevant to the coordination of forces. Surveillance, Target Acquisition and Reconnaissance are methods of obtaining this intelligence. These terms can be used to refer to infrastructure, a role of military units or individuals, or procedures employed.
CANARY TRAP - A canary trap is a method for exposing an information leak, that involves giving different versions of sensitive information to each of a group of suspects and seeing which version gets leaked.
CASE officer - staff officer of an intelligence agency, also called an OPERATIONS officer or AGENT handler or controller
CENTER - Moscow headquarters of the KGB
CHICKEN FEED - mineal information offered to a double agent, used to establish him as someone with access to intelligence
CHRISTIANS in Action - slang for the CIA
CLANDESTINE operation - actions that are meant to be undetected
CLASSIFIED information
COBBLER - specialist who forges passports
COMPARTMENTALIZATION of information means to limit access to information to persons who directly need to know certain such information in order to perform certain tasks. The idea is that the fewer people know, the better, because as the number of people "in the know" grows, so does the risk or likelihood that such information could be compromised or fall into the hands of the opposition. As such, there tend to be varying levels of clearance within organizations. However, even if someone has the highest clearance, certain "eyes only" information may still be restricted to certain operators, even of lower rank. In intelligence administration, it is particularly useful to keep close watch on "sources and methods" information, so as to prevent disclosure of people and their activities, whose lives may be at risk, if such information were publicly disclosed, or, once again, fall into the hands of the opposition.
CONCEALMENT devices
CONSPIRACY
CONSUMER - person or an organization on the receiving end of intelligence obtained by spies
COOKED Intelligence - distorted intelligence passed on to a double agent, containing some truth
COUNTER-ESPIONAGE - spying directed against an enemy's spy system, such as by recruiting agents in foreign intelligence organs
COUNTER-INTELLIGENCE - the activity of preventing the enemy from obtaining secret information.
COUSINS - slang for CIA operatives
COVERT CELL
COVERT operation - those actions for which the government will deny knowledge or responsibility
CRYPTONYMS and CODEWORDS used by the CIA
CSE - Communications Security Establishment (UKUSA Alliance member - Canada)
CSIS - Canadian Security and Intelligence Service - Canada's spy agency
CT - CounterTerrorism
CUT-OUT In espionage, a cut-out is a courier or mechanism used to pass information and devices from one spy to another while operating in a "denied area" or a hostile environment. The two forms of cut-outs are the block and chain. A block cut-out is an agent familiar with the entire spy network or cell and those who are in it, while the chain cutout is simply an agent who is aware of only the person providing the information and the spy who is receiving the information. The chain cut-out helps to maintain the compartmentalization of the spy network, which increases security by maintaining everyone's anonymity. The term cut-out may also be used more generally to describe a person or agency used as a pawn by intelligence agencies. (see also LETTERBOX)
DEAD DROP - pre-arranged location for dropping off secrets / receiving instructions and money
DECOY - person used to distract, confuse the adversary
DEFENSE MESSAGING SYSTEM (DMS) - secure electronic mail system used within the defense community
DEFCON - Defense Condition
DEFECTOR - In politics, a defector is a person who gives up allegiance to one state or political entity in exchange for allegiance to another. This act is usually in a manner which violates the laws of the nation or political entity from which the person is seeking to depart, as opposed to a change of citizenship, which does not typically defy the law of any nation.
During the Cold War, the many people escaping from the Soviet Union or Eastern Bloc to the West were called defectors.
DGSE - General Directorate for External Security - The Direction Générale de la Sécurité Extérieure (DGSE) or General Directorate for External Security is France's external intelligence agency. On April 2, 1982 it replaced the Service de Documentation Extérieure et de Contre-Espionnage (SDECE). Its motto is Partout où nécessité fait loi ("In every place where necessity makes law").
DST - Domestic Security - The Direction de la Surveillance du Territoire (DST; Directorate of Territorial Surveillance) is a directorate of the French National Police operating as a domestic intelligence agency. Its attributions include counterespionage, counterterrorism and more generally the security of France against foreign threats and interference, including economic. It was created in 1944 with its headquarters situated at 7 rue Nélaton in Paris.The DST Economic Security and Protection of National Assets department has units in the 22 regions to protect French technology. It has been operating for 20 years, not only on behalf of defense industry leaders, but also for pharmaceuticals, telecoms, the automobile industry, and all manufacturing and service sectors.
DIPSEC - Diplomatic Security
DISINFORMATION - deliberately false information released to mislead an enemy
DOUBLE and TRIPLE AGENT
DOUBLESPEAK - language used to disguise actual meaning, used by military and government agencies (for example: 'physical persuasion' instead of torture, 'neutralize' instead of kill, 'preemptive war' instead of illegal invasion, 'terrorist' instead of freedom fighter, etc.)
DRY CLEAN - to dry clean means to evade surveillance
DSD - Defence Signals Directorate (UKUSA Alliance member - Australia)
ECHELON - a global network of Signals interceptors serving SIGINT agencies of the UKUSA alliance. Intercepts anything from telephone conversations (private, political, diplomatic, military) to fax, email, internet searches...
ESCAPE and EVASION (E&E) is an advanced set of skills taught to select personnel prone to enemy capture, particularly aviation crews and Special Forces operators. It involves escaping from and eluding enemies until one reaches friendly units. Survival skills are vital in escape and evasion, as one is expected to live off the land while avoiding enemies.
ESPIONAGE - obtaining secrets from enemies or competitors
EVOC - Emergency Vehicle Operation Course - as tought at Quantico - how to drive offensively
EW - Electronic Warfare
EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION - fancy title used by the US government to describe second-hand torture, that is torture done on behalf of the US government by other regimes.
FALSE FLAG Operation - for instance: when a terrorist attack was in fact orchestrated by someone else posing as terrorists
FALSE FLAG recruitment - occurs when recruiting officer makes you think he's working for a friendly government (ie yours) when in fact he is working for the enemy
FLOATER - person used sporadically for intelligence operations
FLOATING BOX - when surveillance team follows a target by covering him from all angles
A FORCED DISAPPEARANCE occurs when an organization forces a person to vanish from public view, either by murder or by simple sequestration. The victim is first kidnapped, then illegally detained in concentration camps, often tortured, and finally executed and their corpse hidden.
FORT HUACHUCA - a American military installation in the Southeastern part of the state of Arizona. All non SIGINT Military Intelligence (MI) Advanced Individual Training (AIT) is conducted there, as well as the MI Officer Basic Course.
FPCON - Force Protection Condition
FRIEND - agent who provides information to an operative / handler
FSB - Federal Security Service, Russia
FSK - Federal Counterintelligence Service, Russia
FORTEZZA - card used by the US Government to encrypt digital communications (voice and data). Includes NSA microprocessor (meaning the NSA can read the communication).
Fortezza Plus - newer version of the above.
FRENCHELON - French answer to ECHELON.
FRONT organization.
FUBAR - Fucked up beyond all recognition.
FUNNY PAPERS - section of an intelligence organization that specializes with forging documents
GCHQ - Government Communications Headquarters (UKUSA Alliance member - UK)
GCSB - Government Communications Security Bureau (UKUSA Alliance member - New Zealand)
GOST DETAINEE - Ghost detainee is an official term used by the American President George W. Bush administration to designate a person held in a detention center, whose identity has been hidden by keeping them unregistered and therefore anonymous.
GREY MAIL - a person who is in position to expose an intelligence operation, for example when arrested or on trial
GRU - Main Intelligence Directorate, Russia
GSG - 9 - Grenzchutzgruppe - 9, Elite German CT unit
HARD TARGET - a person who sucessfuly maintains low profile / secrecy and / or is hard to place surveillance on.
HONEYPOT
HUMINT - HUMINT, short for HUMan INTelligence, is one of a series of intelligence gathering disciplines. NATO defines HUMINT as " A category of intelligence derived from information collected and provided by human sources." Contrary to what most people think HUMINT, does not necessarily refer to people involved in clandestine/covert activities. While clandestine/covert agents are part of HUMINT, HUMINT in fact, refers to any information collected from a human source. The person(s) providing the information could be neutral, friendly or hostile.
HUNTING PACK - surveillance team
IAFIS - The Integrated Automated Fingerprint Identification System (IAFIS) is a national fingerprint and criminal history system maintained by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). The IAFIS provides automated fingerprint search capabilities, latent searching capability, electronic image storage, and electronic exchange of fingerprints and responses. The IAFIS maintains the largest biometric database in the world, containing the fingerprints and corresponding criminal history information for more than 47 million subjects in the Criminal Master File.
ICBM - Instant Calm Breath Method - technique to overcome anciety
ILLEGAL - an intelligence officer who operates in a foreign country without an official cover (usually diplomatic or trade) Illegals are the elite among 'spies'.
ILLNESS - arrest
INDUSTRIAL ESPIONAGE - espionage conducted for commerical gains (most intelligence agencies aid their country's business community through surveillance of competitors)
INFILTRATION - penetration, placement of an agent / operative inside adversary's organization
INFORMATION Warfare - is the use and management of information in pursuit of a competitive advantage over an opponent. Information warfare may involve collection of tactical information, assurance that one's own information is valid, spreading of propaganda or disinformation among the enemy, undermining the quality of opposing force information and denial of information collection opportunities to opposing forces.
INTELLIGENCE
INTELLIGENCE CYCLE
INTELLIGENCE COMMUNITY of the United States
INTELLIGENCE Gathering Disciplines:
* HUMINT - Human Intelligence - gathered from a person on the ground.
* GEOINT - Geospatial Intelligence - gathered from satellite, aerial photography, mapping/terrain data
o IMINT - Imagery Intelligence - gathered from satellite and aerial photography
* MASINT - Measurement and Signature Intelligence
o ACINT - Acoustic Intelligence - gathered from acoustical sources
o CBINT - Chemical and Biological Intelligence - gathered from chemical and biological weapons and hazards
o DEWINT - Directed Energy Weapon Intelligence - gathered from weapon related radio frequency, microwave, electromagnetic pulse, laser, and particle beams
o Effluent/Debris Collection - gathered from atmospheric effluents and debris
o EOINT - Electro-Optical Intelligence - gathered from optical monitoring of the electromagnetic spectrum
+ IRINT - Infrared Intelligence - gathered from the infrared spectrum
+ LASINT - Laser Intelligence - gathered from laser systems
o MATINT - Materials Intelligence
o NUCINT - Nuclear Intelligence - gathered from the analysis of radiation
o RADINT - Radar Intelligence - gathered from radar sources. Note that this is often considered to be part of ELINT (q.v.).
o RF/EMPINT - Radio Frequency/Electromagnetic Pulse Intelligence - gathered from radio frequency and electromagnetic pulse emissions
o Spectroscopic Intelligence
* OSINT - Open Source Intelligence - gathered from open sources
* SIGINT - Signals Intelligence - gathered from interception of signals
o COMINT - Communications Intelligence
o ELINT - Electronic Intelligence - gathered from non-communications electronic emissions
* TECHINT - Technical Intelligence - gathered from analysis of weapons and equipment used by the armed forces of foreign nations
* FININT - Financial Intelligence - gathered from analysis of monetary transactions
* MEDINT - Medical Intelligence - gathered from analysis of medical records and/or actual physiological examinations to determine health and/or particular ailments/allergetic conditions for exploitation.
IRANIAN DIRECTORATE - The Iranian Directorate or Directorate for Iran is a unit of the Pentagon created in 2006 to deal with intelligence on Iran in the context of diplomatic and military tensions between the United States and Iran. Critics compare it with the Office of Special Plans (OSP) which cooked up intelligence reports about Iraq.IRIS RECOGNITION
JOE - deep cover agent
JTF2 - JTF 2 - Joint Task Force 2, Canada's special forces, CT unit.
KATSA - Case officer in Mossad
KGB
LEGAT - Legal attache, FBI agent working at an embassy.
LEGEND - life story created for a covert agent.
LETTERBOX - a go-between
LLB - Live Letter Box - a forwarding address to an intelligence agency
MI5 - British Security Service (internal)
MI6 - British Secret Intelligence Service (external)
MICROEXPRESSION is a tiny facial expression that lasts less than a quarter of a second. They often occur involuntarily, and can reveal emotions people are trying to hide, or may not even be aware of themselves.)
MILITARY SLANG - examples of military slang from around the world
MLEs - Military liaison elements - Pentagon's intelligence operatives attached to embassies, often comprised of special forces, operating illegaly on foreign territory, including allied.
MOLE - an agent who penetrated an organization or a group
MOSSAD - Israel's spy agency
MUSIC BOX - radio transmitter
NAKED - spy that does not have a cover
NIGHTCRAWLER / TALENT spotter - person who scouts various establishments (bars, clubs) for potential recruits
NOC - Non-official cover
NO-SUCH-AGENCY - slang for NSA.
NUMBERS Stations - shortwave radio stations of uncertain origin, broadcasting people reading streams of numbers, words, or letters.
OGA - Other Government Agency - slang for the CIA, used mainly within the military; also referes to intelligence operations conducted outside of oficial DOD channels.
OIG - Office of Inspector General, CIA.
OMON - Otdel Militsii Osobovo Naznachenyia - Russian SWAT team
ONE TIME PAD - unbreakable randomly generated code, use only once and discard, hence the name
OP - observation post
OPEN SOURCE Intelligence - Information gathered from publicaly available sources such as: Open Sources Center (select "Intelligence" section), Bloomberg, CIA World Fact Book, credit rating agencies, Dow Jones, Internet search engines such as Google, LexisNexis, newspapers of record, such as the New York Times, private investigators, public libraries...
OPO - Offensive Penetration Operation - penetration / infiltration into an enemy / targetted organization / group.
OPPENHEIM MEMORIAL PARK - mythical place where spies supposedly "retire"
ORDEN - right-wing, paramilitary terrorist organization that murdered and disappeared the opposition and civillians of El Salvador.
OSAMA - terrorist to some, hero to others, possibly a code name for a FALSE FLAG intelligence operation
PAROLE - password used to confirm identity between agents
PATTERN - repeat actions / behaviour of a spy that may lead to his detection
PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY
POCKET LITTER - items a spy will carry on him to help establish his identity
POLYGRAPH - A polygraph (commonly and inaccurately referred to as a "lie detector") is a device which measures and records several physiological variables such as blood pressure, heart rate, respiration and skin conductivity while a series of questions are being asked, in an attempt to detect lies. The above measurements are posited to be indicators of anxiety that accompanies the telling of lies. Thus, measured anxiety is equated with telling untruths. However, if the subject exhibits anxiety for other reasons, a measured response can result in unreliable conclusions. A polygraph test is also known as a psychophysiological detection of deception (PDD) examination. The original polygraph was invented by John A. Larson. Today, polygraph examiners use two types of instrumentation, analog and computerized. In the United States, most examiners now use computerized instrumentation.
POTUS - President of the United States.
PSYOPS - Psychological operations - influencing behavior of the masses, through mainstream media such as radio, press and TV. Sometimes called brainwashing.
QUANTUM CRYPTOGRAPHY - quantum mechanics-based way of securing communication (still in theory).
R2I - resistance to interrogation is a name for a set of techniques taught to UK, USA and other NATO soldiers ostensibly to help them, after capture by the enemy, to resist interrogation techniques such as humiliation and torture.
RCMP - Royal Canadian Mounted Police
RING - a network of spies
SAFEHOUSE - a place where a spy can hide from an enemy / security services of country where he operates
SECRET Services
SECURE COMMUNICATIONS
SELECTIVE ASSASSINATION - Selective Assassination is a policy of selecting targets, using arms, training personnel and cover-up strategies designed to justify assassination as the means to meet a political agenda.
SEMTEX - Czech-made plastic explosive
SERE Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape
SHABAK - SHIN BET - Israel's internal security
SHOE - false passport
SIGINT - signals intelligence - intercepted signals
SIT REP - situation report
SLEEPER - deep cover agent with a mission to penetrate the highest reaches of the target nation - long term project
SLEEPER Cell
SLO - Security Liaison Officer - officer of CSIS
SOA - School of the Americas (Escuela de las Américas) - Terrorist training center located at Fort Benning, Georgia. Responsible for training human rights violators in the Spanish Latin and South Americas. Public outrcries forced the US government to rename SOA to: the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation (WHISC or WHINSEC).
SODIUM PENTOTHAL / Sodium thiopental / thiopental / thiopentone sodium / trapanal - "truth drug"
SOFT TARGET - someone who is not properly trained to evade surveillance
SPETSNAZ - Recon / Sabotage Special Forces of the Main Intelligence Department od the Russian Army
SPY motivations
SPYWRITER - Jack King
SPOOK - spy, intelligence officer
STATION - a place where spies operate from, for example an embassy where an intelligence officer is posted
STEGANOGRAPHY
STOCKHOLM SYNDROME is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage exhibits loyalty to the hostage-taker, in spite of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed.
SURVEILLANCE
SVR - Foreign Intelligence Service, Russia
SWIM - means: to travel
TANGOS - slang for terrorists
TARGET - target (person, place etc) of intelligence agency's interest
TERMINATED - assassinated
TERRORIST Organizations
TORTURE
THREATCON - Threat Condition (replaced by FPCON)
TRADECRAFT - proficiency / experience in espionage
TRAFFIC ANALYSIS - communication patterns examined to determine information they might carry (even secure communications which cannot be decrypted)
TRUTH DRUG \ TRUTH SERUM - A truth drug (or truth serum) is a drug used for the purposes of obtaining accurate information from an unwilling subject, most often by a police, intelligence, or military organization on a prisoner.
UAV - unmanned aerial vehicle - controlled remotely, this can be as large as a plane or as tiny as an insect with implanted microchips and sensors - currently in research.
UKUSA - a SIGINT alliance consisting of the English Speaking countries (UK, USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand). Its main purpose is to operate the Echelon
VOICE STRESS ANALYSIS (VSA) is a controversial technology that attempts to examine and measure a physiological stress component, by extracting micro tremors from the voice of a person and measuring their amplitude. Voice stress analysis is often applied as a type of lie detector. The technique's effectiveness remains debated. Multiple studies have concluded that VSA's accuracy at determining a subject's truthfulness is not significantly better than chance. However, many police and intelligence agencies have alleged that VSA is indeed useful in determining a person's truthfulness.
WALK-IN - someone who volunteers to offer its services as an agent
WATCH LIST - contains paople who are of interest to intelligence agencies
WET JOB / WORK - euphemism for murder, assassination
WHITE SOUND, PINK SOUND - emitted to foil electronic eavesdropping devices
Jack King www.SPYWRITER.comA new king of thrillers on the horizon
Specific to the United States:
AFI - Air Force Intelligence
AI - Army Intelligence
FBI - Federal Bureau of Investigation
CIA - Central Intelligence Agency. Slang: Christians in Action, Other Government Agency or OGA
CIFA - Counterintelligence Field Activity (DoD). Much controversy surrounds this unit, particularly in light of its proposed merger with the Defense Security Service (DSS), which would create what amounts to Secret Police.
CSS - Central Security Service
CT - Counterterrorism Office (State Department)
DCIA - Director of Central Intelligence Agency
DS (DIPSEC) - Bureau of Diplomatic Security (State Department)
DIA - Defense Intelligence Agency
DoE - Department of Energy
DoT - Department of Treasury
G-2 - officer's rank in the military intelligence (related: J-2, S-2)
INR - Bureau of Intelligence & Research (State Department)
MI - military intelligence, officers are trained at Fort Huachucha, Arizona
NCS - National Clandestine Service - new, HUMINT agency.
NGA - National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency - these are the folks who watch you from the skies.
NI - Navy Intelligence
NIC - National Intelligence Council, reports to DCI
NIMA - National Imagery and Mapping Agency
NRO - National Reconnaissance Office
NSA - National Security Agency (UKUSA Alliance member). The officers often refer to it as "Never Say Anything". Others call it "No Such Agency".
NSC - National Security Council. Executive body overseeing national security issues, chaired by the POTUS
OSP - Office of Special Plans
SAD - Special Activities Division (CIA)
SOC - Special Operations Command (CIA)
SSB - Strategic Support Branch (DoD) Pentagon's humint espionage branch responsible directly to the Secretary. Created to free DoD from relying on the CIA. Free of Congressional oversight. Rogue. Hires mercenaries for covert ops.
USSS - United States Secret Service
WHISC or WHINSEC - Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation. Formerly: School of the Americas (SOA) - This is where the US trains terrorists / assassins who aide puppet governments of Central and South Americas.
Jack King www.SPYWRITER.comA new king of thrillers on the horizon
Polish (in "The Fifth Internationale"):
ABW - Agencja Bezpieczenstwa Wewnetrznego - Internal Security Agency
AW - Agencja Wywiadu - Foreign Intelligence Agency
BOR - Biuro Ochrony Rzadu - Polish Secret Service
FBS - Federalne Biuro Sledcze - Federal Bureau of Investigation, fairly new agency loosely modeled on the FBI
GROM - elite special forces / counter-terrorist unit
Kiejkuty Stare - training camp for spies
Komisja Senacka do spraw Sluzb Specjalnych - State Senate committee on intelligence and security agencies
NJW - Nadwislanskie Jednostki Wojskowe - Military unit under the Ministry of Interior (rather than Defense) with policing powers.
SB - Sluzba Bezpieczenstwa - Internal Security and Counter-Intelligence agency during communist times (renamed 'UOP' after the fall of communism and staffed with the same officers)
Solidarnosc - Solidarity - The Union Movement that toppled the Communist government of Poland
Solidarnosc Walczaca - The fighting arm of the Solidarity
UB - Urzad Bezpieczenstwa - Intelligence Service during the communist time - staffed and modeled on the KGB
UOP - Urzad Ochrony Panstwa - Intelligence Agency - successor (simply renamed) to the notorious and feared SB. In 2002 split into two agencies: AW and ABW
URM - Urzad Rady Ministrow - The Council of Ministers
WSI - Wojskowe Sluuby Informacyjne - Military Intelligence Services
WIR - Wspolnota Informacyjna Rzadu - Government Intelligence Community

ALSO check out his CIA Cryptonyms at his site below

http://www.spywriter.com/robots/cia_cryptonym.html

Monday, November 19, 2007

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Click on Link Below

AND SOME HUMOR FOR YOU (Hat Tip Pookie 18)

Senator Barack Obama suggested Tuesday that Baby Boomers like Bill and Hillary Clinton are stuck in the contentious Sixties. He sees himself as a man ahead of his times. He's already demanding that President Bush bring our troops home from Iran.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel visited President Bush at his ranch Friday. He put on blue jeans and picked her up in his truck. The only reason we elected him was because we wanted a president who would put his pants on before he picks up women.
GOP candidate Ron Paul drew cheers on Saturday at a Veterans Day weekend rally in Philadelphia. He vowed to return to constitutional government as laid out by the Founding Fathers.
Barack Obama has more at stake in this election than he thought.
Hillary Clinton's campaign admitted planting a question for the candidate with an audience member in Iowa last week. It's not the end of the world. If she doesn't make it to the White House, Hillary can always host a show on the Food Network called Fudging the Facts.

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas dedicated a new mausoleum Saturday for the remains of the late PLO leader Yasser Arafat. Some things never change. It's so dangerous in the Middle East that he still has to sleep in a different mausoleum every night.
Barack Obama took a swipe at Hillary Clinton Saturday saying the country needs conviction not calculation, while John Edwards implied that's she's evasive and dissembling. The Republicans are warming up in the bullpen. The day Hillary Clinton retires from public life she has a lifetime job waiting for her as a greeter at Target.
Hillary Clinton led the field of Democratic presidential candidates who met for a debate last night in front of an audience in Las Vegas. Everybody ought to come to Las Vegas just once in their lives. It's like being Bill Clinton for a day.
Bill Clinton caused a storm Monday by telling an audience in Iowa that Hillary can handle herself against the boys. Her campaign assured reporters that the term boys is simply an old Southern slang term. It is, but not for white presidential candidates.
On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"
"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."
"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" asked Bill.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."
When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me."
"Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"
Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me." "Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now."
Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary.
He said to her, " I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. "Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"
Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"
"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."
So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President.
As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into her most formable challenger to her presidential nomination, Barack Obama.
So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"
"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama,"I think the child would be me."
"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States!"
So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle."
"The child was Barack Obama!"
"No, you dummy!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair" !!

.................... and we may get the two of them again running the Country!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

NIGHTMARE!

Last night I had a nightmare.


A really bad one. It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one you could imagine.


In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am ethnically an African, and I'm circumcised!


Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo - and it was that same color. Black.


No, no, God no, it can't be!I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!!


That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.


“It’s the pure and holy truth”, whispers someone from behind me.

I turn around, and it's my Boyfriend. Just what I needed!!!


I am a homosexual whore and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Sonofabitch!!!!


Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!


Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo... I'm Bald!!


The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job.”


Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!


I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it.


Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!!


With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere .


Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker?


Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.


At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, “Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for next November? Hillary or Obama?”


Sonabitch! Say it isn’t so!!!


I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please - don’t tell me I’m a Democrat!!!!


Saturday, November 17, 2007

CYBERGANG IN LAW ENFORCEMENT CROSS-HAIRS

Cybergang Raises Fear of New Crime Wave
by Rhys Blakely, Jonathan Richards and Tony Halpin in Moscow

The most notorious player in global cybercrime has suddenly vanished from the web, sparking fears that the Russian-based group is set to re-emerge as an even greater threat from a new base in China.

Security experts believe that the Russian Business Network (RBN), a shadowy organisation based in St Petersburg and run by a figure known only as 'Flyman', has played a role in most of the online crime committed in the UK in recent years. Dubbed 'the mother of cybercrime', RBN has been linked by security firms to child pornography, corporate blackmail, spam attacks and online identity theft.

It is feared that the group is building a massive new online platform in China, allowing gangs to launch a fresh wave of online crime. 'The UK has been a focus for this group and its criminal clients, and things are set to get worse,' David Perry, an analyst for Trend Micro, the security group, said.

Any move to China would put the Chinese authorities under enormous pressure to take action against RBN.
Police are finally taking online crime seriously.

Security experts say that RBN provides 'bulletproof' websites to criminals. Often resembling legitimate websites, these can be used to plant malicious software in the computers of members of the public that visit them. Infected computers can be used to steal their owners' passwords, secretly send electronic junk mail or launch cyber attacks on government networks.

One alleged 'phishing' gang, known as the Rock Group, which used the company's hosting service, is estimated to have made $150 million (£71.5 million) last year by tricking people into providing bank account details.

The RBN is also said to have developed dozens of fake anti-spyware and anti-virus programmes to dupe people into giving it access to their computers in the mistaken belief that they were protecting themselves from online threats. The RBN's activities are so notorious that VeriSign, one of the world's biggest internet security companies, has dubbed it 'the baddest of the bad'.

Even the Bank of India was targeted, in August, when rogue software designed to steal passwords from customers' computers was discovered. The bank's website was shut down while experts debugged it.

Cybercrime has been estimated by the US Treasury to be more valuable than the illegal drugs trade — worth more than $100 billion a year.

The RBN has also been linked to the Russian authorities and is thought by some analysts to have played a role in the recent assault on Estonian cyberspace. A report from Symantec, the online security firm, alleges that the RBN has links with the criminal underground and government in Russia.

However, in recent days huge numbers of RBN-hosted sites have disappeared from the web, leading analysts to speculate that the group is revamping its business model. 'RBN is reorganising,' said Raimund Genes, the chief technology officer of Trend Micro, a security group that has traced attacks by the RBN on corporate and government sites across Europe and US back to servers based in Panama.

One reason is thought to be the recent threats by Russian authorities to impose tougher penalties on internet criminals. Another was that large legitimate internet service providers – which the RBN relies on to provide it with internet access – have dropped it as a customer as its activities became more and more notorious. Some analysts suggested that it is aiming to become a more disparate group, with servers in Panama, Turkey, Malaysia, Singapore, China, the US and Canada.

Analysts have reported unusual bulk registries of thousands of internet web addresses in China, which they say fit the past practices of the RBN.

China would provide the RBN with an even broader base to support criminal activities.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

ODDS & ENDS

Flags attack Hillary on Veterans Day

An Idea So Dumb Only Congress Could Think of It (video)

"I'm not just running a campaign... I'm having a conversation."

Hillary Clinton: Piling On The Princess of Prevarication (video)

Dyslexic Hillary Staffer Meant to Plant Answers

The Guy From Boston: Screwed Up Senators (X-rated language video)

Dennis Kucinich Campaign Film Explains Impeachment Resolution

History of Illegal Immigration in a couple of minutes (video)

Mukasey to Kennedy: ‘You Should Have Waterboarded Me’

Liberal Insult Generator

Lions For Lambs (video)

Hat tip Pookie 18

TEMPTINGLY EXPENSIVE



MOSCOW (Reuters) - Thieves have stolen a Maybach luxury limousine worth 530,000 euro ($777,000) while the car's owner had dinner in a Moscow restaurant, Russian media reported Wednesday.


Thieves bundled the owner's chauffeur into the back seat and threatened to kill him, the Kommersant newspaper reported. The driver was later abandoned outside Moscow's ring road.


Police said they suspected the car was stolen to order by a special gang for sale in Kazakhstan or Ukraine.


The Maybach has been adopted as the ultimate status symbol by Russia's super-rich. There are only a few dozen in Russia and this was the first case of one being stolen, the daily said.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

FLORIDA SHERIFF RESPONDS

Great Answer from Florida Sheriff!!!

As reported earlier this week, some dirtbag who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him.

The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.

Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued.

The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun.

SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

Now here's the kicker:

Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel - "That's all the bullets we had."

Monday, November 12, 2007

ODDS & ENDS



Hillary Clinton gave a pep talk to her alma mater Wellesley College Friday. The campus is reeling from the news that a Wellesley student was arrested for trying to stab her boyfriend to death. Not every Wellesley student is as forgiving as Hillary.


President Bush compared Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Adolf Hitler on Thursday. That's silly. There's been a Broadway musical about Adolf Hitler but there could never be one about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because there are no homosexuals in Iran.


California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger startled listeners last week when he ad-libbed that marijuana is not a drug, it's a leaf. It caused widespread dismay. The writers weren't even on strike yet and already the actors didn't know what to say.

Hillary Clinton denied Sunday she is secretive about her past work on health care reform. She said people don't understand how the National Archives handles their documents. The public can see everything once they get Sandy Berger's pants off.

Condi Rice denounced General Pervez Musharraf for his crackdown in Pakistan on Monday. The same day, President Bush defended Musharraf as a strong fighter against radicals. This was enough to convince the tabloids they're no longer seeing each other.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg's political advisor said Monday the mayor would spend a billion dollars of his own money on an independent White House run. His entry wouldn't change the outcome. As a billionaire conservative he'd take votes from Republicans and as an admitted sexual harasser he would take donors from the Clintons.

The Writers Guild strike put late-night comics into reruns Monday. This should help President Bush. Instead of raking him over the coals over waterboarding they'll be raking Bill Clinton over the coals for ruining the carpet in the Oval Office study.

GOP candidate Ron Paul took in four million dollars in donations Tuesday. The longtime Texas congressman and gynecologist vows to pull out of Iraq immediately and abolish the IRS. He is a lot like Reagan except those aren't his feet in the stirrups.

Hillary Clinton said Tuesday she supports governors who are dealing with the problem of driver's licenses for illegal aliens but not necessarily what they do about it. No wonder the illegal alien vote is for her. Hillary's the patron saint of trimming and hedging.

The Senate opened a formal probe into televangelists Tuesday. The senators say televangelists are living in opulent luxury by preying on the poor and the sick. If they want to do that they're going to have to run for office just like everybody else.

Kathleen Willey just wrote a book about her experience in the Oval Office with President Clinton. It affects her to this day. Every time she watches Addams Family re-runs and that hand comes out of the box, she runs screaming from the room.

Retired federal judge Michael Mukasey was narrowly approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee for Attorney General Tuesday. The judge is one tough customer. It took three long weeks but he finally agreed that confirmation hearings are torture.

Fox Network had to suspend production of its counterterror drama Twenty-Four last week. The show became a casualty of the writer's strike. President Bush took the megaphone out of the desk drawer and vowed he will bring the Writers Guild to justice.

Hillary Clinton's campaign denied Thursday that she and her staffers failed to tip a waitress at a restaurant in Iowa last month. Actually she gave her an excellent tip. She told her never to answer a question about driver's licenses for illegal aliens.


hat tip Pookie 18

Saturday, November 10, 2007

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Click on links to go to articles/videos

Happy Veterans Day, Swifties!!! (historical video)

Debate Rehearsal: Bill Coaches Hil (audio)

Leave Hillary ALONE! (video)

Fred Phelps To Sell “Hatin’ Hotties Of Westboro” Calendar To Pay Damages

Military Tribute: Wherever You Will Go (video)

Hillary Clinton: Long On Rhetoric, Short On Answers (video)

The Politics Of Parsing (video)

Da Gorgle Code (7-minute video)

Top 9 New York Times Headlines Regarding Declining Troop

Deaths In Iraq

Speech of Peace Prize winner Gore To Exemplify Reason (video)


Romney TV Ad (video)

Hat Tip Pookkie 18

CIA - YEARS & YEARS OF FAILURE UNDER CLINTON

Alan Note: From the start of the first Clinton Administration and Gorelick running interference as Deputy Attorney General, the CIA, which had been an effective though not always successful operational clandestine unit with decent covert ability, evolved into a careerist, corporate type of CYA (cover your ass) bureaucracy.

Even in the Jimmy Carter years, the CIA provided some 30 scenarios of what would happen if the late Shah of Iran were removed and Khomeini took over. NONE of them proved close to what happened. More from lack of understanding of the roots of the population discontent and SOVIET ability to incite revolt than from internal obsacles that emasculated them under socialist, nearly Communist idealogue, Clinton.

The CIA's record leading up to Sept. 11 was one of failure

By Rich Lowry Article

The new report from the CIA's inspector general about the spy agency's pre-9/11 failings could be titled, ''What We Did During Our Holiday From History.'' The stretch between the end of the Cold War and the Sept. 11 attacks was supposed to be a shiny new era of globalized peace and prosperity, to which an intelligence service was considered quaintly irrelevant.

The CIA conformed to the zeitgeist by remaining quaintly irrelevant. George Tenet presided over the agency, failing his way to the second-longest tenure of any director of central intelligence, a Presidential Medal of Freedom and a $4 million book advance. He made the Peter Principle work for him not just by advancing to his level of incompetence, but by benefiting from it handsomely.

Congressional Democrats pushed for the release of the scathing IG report, completed back in June 2005, to embarrass the Bush administration. But most of the failures identified in the report took place during the Clinton administration, which set the CIA's skewed priorities and selected Tenet in the first place. President Bush should be embarrassed only because he didn't fire Tenet upon taking office or after 9/11, while Bush also has failed to undertake a serious retooling of the sclerotic bureaucracy that is the CIA.

Tenet took terrorism seriously, ''sounding the alarm about the threat to many different audiences,'' in the words of the report. Maybe he should have gone on a lecture tour. Where Tenet fell down was in managing his agency. The thought may be father to the deed, but without the actual deed, the thought is only political cover in after-the-fact memoirs.

Tenet insists that he had a ''robust plan'' against al-Qaida. In reality, he only thought he had. He directed that such a plan be formulated, but according to the IG report, it never happened. Worse, Tenet did not ''work with the National Security Council to elevate the relative standing of counterterrorism in the formal ranking of intelligence priorities.''

In Tenet's defense, he operated within the context of a Clinton administration that basically was uninterested in intelligence. Tenet notes that the intelligence community lost 25 percent of its personnel in the 1990s and ''tens of billions of dollars in investment compared with the 1990 baseline.'' He implored the administration for funding increases in 1998 and 1999, but had to go ''outside established channels to work with then-Speaker Gingrich to obtain a $1.2 billion budgetary supplemental.''

Even with more resources, his managers repeatedly moved funds from counterterrorism programs to other needs, without ever raiding other programs to fund counterterrorism, according to the IG report. What could be more important than counterterrorism? Analytic resources were poured into addressing more pressing matters like the Balkans and the environment.

After 9/11, Clinton officials and Tenet argued whether the CIA had been granted the authority to kill Osama bin Laden, with the Clintonites, in a bout of retrospective bloodlust, insisting that it had. The IG report finds that restrictions on the CIA killing bin Laden had been ''arguably, although ambiguously, relaxed'' for a brief period in late 1998 and early 1999 (how Clintonian). But CIA managers refused ''to take advantage of the ambiguities,'' and even if they had, the agency didn't have the covert-action capability to kill bin Laden. Such was life during history's holiday.

What's more scandalous is how the CIA has escaped serious reform even today. Two CIA directors in a row have resisted the IG report's recommendation for an accountability board to evaluate the pre-9/11 performance of CIA officials. That word - not ''board,'' but ''accountability'' - raises hackles at Langley, where everyone is above-average at fighting al-Qaida.

Even though as many as 60 CIA employees knew that two of the hijackers were in the U.S. before 9/11 and no one managed to get the word to the FBI, CIA Director Michael Hayden thinks holding anyone accountable for that or other failures would be ''distracting.''

And so the band plays on.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

BIOLOGY LESSON

ISLAMIC ADAM & EVE

Click on Pictures to Enlarge Graphics




A biology lesson

Human Body Facts

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball

- It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

-One human hair can support 3kg.
- Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

-The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.

- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair

-There are about one trillion bacteria on each ofyour feet.

- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body couldcover about one square inch.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

-The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

- When you are looking at someone you love, yourpupils dilate. . . . ..they do the same when you arelooking at someone you hate!

- It takes twice as long to lose new muscle if youstop working out than it did to gain it.

-You're ears secrete more earwax when you are afraidthan when you aren't.

-Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself whenyou are standing still.

- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannottaste it.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than theaverage man.

Checked out the length of your thumb.. Didn't ya?!