Monday, December 17, 2007

Ron Paul's supporters plan to fly a blimp from North Carolina to New Hampshire this week with an ingenious marketing ploy. They make money by advertising on the blimp while promoting the candidate's name. Once this concept is explained to Paris Hilton and Oprah Winfrey the entire country will look like a hot air balloon festival.

Oprah Winfrey campaigned for Barack Obama at an Iowa stadium Saturday. They're a great team. Every time Barack Obama made a point about health care, education or foreign policy, Oprah would rattle a set of car keys and the crowd would go crazy.

Hillary Clinton fired two volunteers Sunday for passing along a hoax e-mail saying Barack Obama is a Muslim who plans to destroy America. Slandering him is a challenge for bigots. They tried to accuse him of fathering a black child but he didn't deny it.

Republican candidates held a presidential debate for Hispanic voters on Sunday in Florida, which aired on Spanish language television. They got a hostile reception. Almost one third of the studio audience had just been fired by Mitt Romney.

Rudy Giuliani said Sunday he won't give up his lucrative ownership of the Giuliani Partners consulting firm to become president. His pollsters advised him to look remorseful. Democrats believe it's okay to be rich as long as you just feel awful about it.

Al Gore accepted the Nobel Peace Prize on Monday at a glittering international ceremony in Oslo. His deep voice and slow delivery and polite tone nearly put the crowd to sleep. It made comedians realize how close we came to disaster seven years ago.

The Weather Channel reported Monday that ice storms cut power lines and closed schools in the Midwest. Ice was an inch thick on the roads. It was so cold in Iowa that people were showing up at Mike Huckabee rallies just for the fire and brimstone.

Mike Huckabee leaped into the lead for the GOP nomination in Monday's national polls. The Baptist minister is standing tall after months of being stuck in the mud. Mike Huckabee is starting to think there may be something to evolution after all.
Bill Clinton told Iowa voters he was so impressed with Hillary when they dated that he told her she should dump him and go home and run for office herself. You can bet she impressed him. He still has the impression in his forehead where the lamp hit him.

Senator Teddy Kennedy just signed the richest publishing deal in history to write his autobiography and have it ready for release in two years. The book itself could save lives. In case of an emergency it can be used as a flotation device.

The Weather Channel said snowstorms hit New Hampshire Thursday. It's a campaign issue. John Edwards blamed it on rich people who want to ski, Hillary didn't recall seeding the clouds, and Barack Obama denied that Snowplow was his nickname in college.

Democratic candidates held a debate in Iowa on Thursday. The biggest applause came when Chelsea Clinton walked into the room before the debate started. She won the Nobel Peace Prize eight years ago for keeping her parents from killing each other.

Hillary Clinton vowed to bring U.S. troops home from Iraq during the Iowa Democratic debate Thursday. She's trying to reverse her decline in the polls. If firefighters could slide down poles as fast as Hillary Clinton has, Malibu might still be standing.

Hat tip Pookie 18

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