Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Rep. Murtha Backs Hillary, Calls for Her to Pull Out

Hillary Repudiates Ferraro, Slams Obama Betrayal

U.S. Markets Surge on Prosperity Jitters

Barack & The Obamas (animated video)

I Want To Be Your “Look To The Cookie” Candidate

Barack Obama Cult of Personality Music Video

Rush re Secrecy & The Drive-by Media (video)

The Weather Channel reported snow and ice storms blowing into the Eastern Seaboard from the Midwest Wednesday. The cold was bone chilling. It was so cold in New York that prostitutes were charging Eliot Spitzer an extra thousand dollars just to cuddle.

Billy Crystal signed a one-day contract with the New York Yankees for a spring training game with Pittsburgh Thursday. The comic is a great mimic. In the first inning he performed his new Eliot Spitzer impersonation by scoring and then resigning.

The New York Times identified Eliot Spitzer's call girl on Wednesday as Ashley Dupre. She's twenty-two. No one knows what she did for him that was worth forty-three hundred bucks, but Viagra just added resignation to its list of possible side effects.

Ashley Dupre's recorded pop song was downloaded four million times after she met Eliot Spitzer at the Mayflower. She's on her way to a big recording career.

Paris Hilton can't believe she owns a hundred thousand hotel rooms and never thought of this.

Geraldine Ferraro refused to apologize for saying Barack Obama is lucky to be a black man instead of a woman. Who knew there are more sexists than racists in America? It turns out Betty Friedan should have the holiday on her birthday instead of Martin Luther King.

Hillary Clinton apologized to blacks Wednesday for her husband comparing Barack Obama to Jesse Jackson. She's disciplined. Hillary always refers to her husband in public as either the president, as Bill, or by his Secret Service code name, Client Number One.

Barack Obama's Chicago minister and spiritual counselor Jeremiah Wright went wild onstage Sunday and pantomimed a sex act between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. It was pretty low. Physical comedy is just a notch above song parodies.

New York will swear in new governor David Paterson in Albany today. He has no shortage of help. There was a huge rush of job applicants last week after they read in the papers that serving under the governor paid four thousand dollars an hour.

Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt offered one million dollars Saturday to Eliot Spitzer's call girl for a nude photo spread. He promised it would be done tastefully. He always uses special lighting to cast moody shadows on the uterine wall.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had no events on their calendars Sunday. It's the new campaign schedule. The candidates stay up late to watch Saturday Night Live, then spend Sunday huddled with their advisors to figure out what to do with the clips.

David Paterson was sworn in as New York's governor Monday by the state's Chief Justice. He got off to a great start. The governor got a standing ovation halfway through the oath of office when he said the word faithfully and his nose didn't grow.

Barack Obama distanced himself from his pastor Jeremiah Wright Tuesday. The clergyman has given bitterly anti-American sermons, recorded on videotape. Jeremiah Wright is the only Church of Christ minister whose portrait is hanging in every cave in Afghanistan.
Barack Obama refused Tuesday to disown his pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, who gives inflammatory anti-American sermons. He said the minister was the man who led him to Jesus Christ twenty years ago.

Before that he was a white kid from Hawaii.

The National Archives said Monday Hillary Clinton's daily White House schedules are ready for viewing.
We're all going to find out about her experiences as first lady. She's hoping the sympathy backlash will carry her all the way to the nomination.

New York Governor David Paterson was blackmailed by a former mistress wielding audiotapes Tuesday, forcing him to admit many affairs. He replaced Eliot Spitzer the day before. The first requirement of a democratic society is continuity in government.

Barack Obama delivered an eloquent speech on race in America Tuesday. He tried to heal America's racial divide by talking about himself for thirty-five minutes.

Hillary Clinton cannot believe she is running against a photo-negative of her husband.

New York Governor Dave Paterson was confronted by angry husbands Thursday over his adulterous affairs.

They can't attack a man who's legally blind. He can always say these women had the same shape and feel as his wife and it was an honest mistake.

-- Argus Hamilton

New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer stepped down yesterday. He apologized. I don’t know what he apologized for. I think it’s steroids.

There’s so much left undone: Amber, Ashley, Rhonda . . .

He’s going to be looking for job. And I’m thinking, “Isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?”

-- David Letterman

The big movie that is opening this weekend is the Dr. Seuss film, “Horton Hears a Who.” Don’t confuse it with the new film about the governor of New York, “Eliot Hires a Ho.”

The name of the escort service the governor used? The Emperors Club. Sounds better than “whore house” doesn’t it?

On their Web site they ranked the girls from one to seven diamonds. The diamonds represent how many you have to buy for your wife after you get caught.

The latest rumor is that Spitzer has reportedly hired a top-notch criminal defense law firm in anticipation of any possible charges. You know the really ironic part?

Even they don’t charge $5,000 an hour. And you’re still getting screwed.

As you know, Gov. Eliot Spitzer has resigned. However, his hooker will finish her full term.

Even Bill Clinton was upset that Spitzer went to a hotel. He said, “Come on, get a desk.”

What’s going on with Geraldine Ferraro? She said a leprechaun wouldn’t be in the position he’s in if he wasn’t green.

Things are not looking good for the Democratic Party. In fact the tension between Barack and Hillary is almost as bad as the tension between Bill and Hillary.

According to a new poll out today, John McCain is now in a double digit lead over the Democrats. Give you an idea just how far ahead John McCain is in the polls, today Hillary offered him the vice presidency.

Some more embarrassing revelations for Hillary Clinton today. According to a report released by the national archives, it now seems that Hillary Clinton was in the White House the day Bill was having sex with Monica.

In fact this is the first documented proof that Bill has had sex . . . with Hillary under the same roof.

-- Leno

You probably know that The New York Times was able to find that hooker that Spitzer allegedly paid $1,000 an hour for. Her real name is Ashley Dupre, and her MySpace page says her first love is music. Her second love is having sex with governors for money.

I want to be the guy Eliot Spitzer’s wife uses to get back at him.

-- Jimmy Kimmel

The identity of New York Gov Eliot Spitzer’s prostitute has been revealed. When asked why she slept with New York’s governor, she said, “Because New Jersey’s governor is into guys.”

She says she doesn’t want to be thought of as a monster. She said unless of course, someone has $4,000 and they're into role playing.

Political experts say that before the scandal, Hillary Clinton had considered him for a possible running mate. Now, Hillary is considering Spitzer as a possible husband.

Yesterday Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had a private talk and agreed to stop attacking each other so harshly. Hillary told Barack, “We should pretend to like each other just like Bill and I do.”

Today Hillary Clinton said the war would end up costing $1 trillion. She wasn’t talking about Iraq, she was talking about her war with Barack Obama.

A new survey shows that beer drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary Clinton. Which is surprising because you’d think Hillary would be more popular with guys who like a “cold one.”

-- Conan O'Brien

The new governor of New York is blind, which is a big improvement. If he’s ever caught with a prostitute, he can say “I thought it was my wife.”

By now, we all know what happened to Eliot Spitzer, the old governor of New York. Last week he was caught with a high-class call-girl. I am not sure what makes a call-girl high-class. I think they use an English accent when they spank you.

-- Craig Ferguson


This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia.

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign:

Answer: A Funeral Home

(Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

You gotta love it!!!

God Bless America

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