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AND SOME HUMOR FOR YOU (Hat Tip Pookie 18)

Senator Barack Obama suggested Tuesday that Baby Boomers like Bill and Hillary Clinton are stuck in the contentious Sixties. He sees himself as a man ahead of his times. He's already demanding that President Bush bring our troops home from Iran.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel visited President Bush at his ranch Friday. He put on blue jeans and picked her up in his truck. The only reason we elected him was because we wanted a president who would put his pants on before he picks up women.

GOP candidate Ron Paul drew cheers on Saturday at a Veterans Day weekend rally in Philadelphia. He vowed to return to constitutional government as laid out by the Founding Fathers.

Barack Obama has more at stake in this election than he thought.
Hillary Clinton's campaign admitted planting a question for the candidate with an audience member in Iowa last week. It's not the end of the world. If she doesn't make it to the White House, Hillary can always host a show on the Food Network called Fudging the Facts.

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas dedicated a new mausoleum Saturday for the remains of the late PLO leader Yasser Arafat. Some things never change. It's so dangerous in the Middle East that he still has to sleep in a different mausoleum every night.

Barack Obama took a swipe at Hillary Clinton Saturday saying the country needs conviction not calculation, while John Edwards implied that's she's evasive and dissembling. The Republicans are warming up in the bullpen. The day Hillary Clinton retires from public life she has a lifetime job waiting for her as a greeter at Target.

Hillary Clinton led the field of Democratic presidential candidates who met for a debate last night in front of an audience in Las Vegas. Everybody ought to come to Las Vegas just once in their lives. It's like being Bill Clinton for a day.

Bill Clinton caused a storm Monday by telling an audience in Iowa that Hillary can handle herself against the boys. Her campaign assured reporters that the term boys is simply an old Southern slang term. It is, but not for white presidential candidates.

On a trip to Great Britain while he was President of the United States, Bill Clinton had a meeting with Queen Elizabeth. During that meeting he asked her, "How does one manage to run a country so smoothly?"

"That's easy," the Queen replied, "You surround yourself with intelligent ministers and advisors."

"But how can I tell whether they are intelligent or not?" asked Bill.
"You ask them a riddle," she replied, and with that she pressed a button and said, "Would you please send Tony Blair in."

When Blair arrived, the Queen said, "I have a riddle for you to answer for me."

"Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was this child?"

Blair replied, "That's easy. The child was me." "Very good," said the Queen. "You may go now."

Sizing up his wife's chances in her presidential bid, and thinking back on that meeting, Bill Clinton spoke to Hillary.

He said to her, " I have a riddle for you, and the answer is very important. "Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was that child?"

Hillary replied, "Yes, it is clearly very important that we determine the answer. Can I deliberate on this for awhile?"

"Yes," said Bill, "I'll give you four hours to come up with the answer."

So Hillary called a meeting of her campaign team, from top to bottom, and asked them the riddle. But after much discussion and many suggestions, none of them had a satisfactory answer. She was quite upset, not knowing what she would tell her husband, the former President.

As Hillary was leaving her meeting, she ran into her most formable challenger to her presidential nomination, Barack Obama.
So she said, "Mr. Obama, can you answer this riddle for me? Your parents had a child and it was not your sister and it was not your brother. Who was the child?"

"That's seems pretty easy," said Obama,"I think the child would be me."

"Oh thank you," said Hillary. "You may just have ensured my nomination for the democratic candidate for the Presidency of the United States!"

So Hillary went back to Bill and said, "I think I know the answer to your riddle."

"The child was Barack Obama!"

"No, you dummy!" shouted Bill. "The child was Tony Blair" !!

.................... and we may get the two of them again running the Country!

NIGHTMARE!

Last night I had a nightmare.


A really bad one. It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one you could imagine.


In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am ethnically an African, and I'm circumcised!


Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo - and it was that same color. Black.


No, no, God no, it can't be!I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!!


That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.


“It’s the pure and holy truth”, whispers someone from behind me.

I turn around, and it's my Boyfriend. Just what I needed!!!


I am a homosexual whore and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Sonofabitch!!!!


Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!


Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo... I'm Bald!!


The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap. Any job.”


Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!


I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it.


Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!!


With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere .


Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker?


Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.


At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, “Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for next November? Hillary or Obama?”


Sonabitch! Say it isn’t so!!!


I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please - don’t tell me I’m a Democrat!!!!

CYBERGANG IN LAW ENFORCEMENT CROSS-HAIRS

Cybergang Raises Fear of New Crime Wave
by Rhys Blakely, Jonathan Richards and Tony Halpin in Moscow

The most notorious player in global cybercrime has suddenly vanished from the web, sparking fears that the Russian-based group is set to re-emerge as an even greater threat from a new base in China.

Security experts believe that the Russian Business Network (RBN), a shadowy organisation based in St Petersburg and run by a figure known only as 'Flyman', has played a role in most of the online crime committed in the UK in recent years. Dubbed 'the mother of cybercrime', RBN has been linked by security firms to child pornography, corporate blackmail, spam attacks and online identity theft.

It is feared that the group is building a massive new online platform in China, allowing gangs to launch a fresh wave of online crime. 'The UK has been a focus for this group and its criminal clients, and things are set to get worse,' David Perry, an analyst for Trend Micro, the security group, said.

Any move to China would put the Chinese authorities under enormous pressure to take action against RBN.
Police are finally taking online crime seriously.

Security experts say that RBN provides 'bulletproof' websites to criminals. Often resembling legitimate websites, these can be used to plant malicious software in the computers of members of the public that visit them. Infected computers can be used to steal their owners' passwords, secretly send electronic junk mail or launch cyber attacks on government networks.

One alleged 'phishing' gang, known as the Rock Group, which used the company's hosting service, is estimated to have made $150 million (£71.5 million) last year by tricking people into providing bank account details.

The RBN is also said to have developed dozens of fake anti-spyware and anti-virus programmes to dupe people into giving it access to their computers in the mistaken belief that they were protecting themselves from online threats. The RBN's activities are so notorious that VeriSign, one of the world's biggest internet security companies, has dubbed it 'the baddest of the bad'.

Even the Bank of India was targeted, in August, when rogue software designed to steal passwords from customers' computers was discovered. The bank's website was shut down while experts debugged it.

Cybercrime has been estimated by the US Treasury to be more valuable than the illegal drugs trade — worth more than $100 billion a year.

The RBN has also been linked to the Russian authorities and is thought by some analysts to have played a role in the recent assault on Estonian cyberspace. A report from Symantec, the online security firm, alleges that the RBN has links with the criminal underground and government in Russia.

However, in recent days huge numbers of RBN-hosted sites have disappeared from the web, leading analysts to speculate that the group is revamping its business model. 'RBN is reorganising,' said Raimund Genes, the chief technology officer of Trend Micro, a security group that has traced attacks by the RBN on corporate and government sites across Europe and US back to servers based in Panama.

One reason is thought to be the recent threats by Russian authorities to impose tougher penalties on internet criminals. Another was that large legitimate internet service providers – which the RBN relies on to provide it with internet access – have dropped it as a customer as its activities became more and more notorious. Some analysts suggested that it is aiming to become a more disparate group, with servers in Panama, Turkey, Malaysia, Singapore, China, the US and Canada.

Analysts have reported unusual bulk registries of thousands of internet web addresses in China, which they say fit the past practices of the RBN.

China would provide the RBN with an even broader base to support criminal activities.

ODDS & ENDS

Flags attack Hillary on Veterans Day

An Idea So Dumb Only Congress Could Think of It (video)

"I'm not just running a campaign... I'm having a conversation."

Hillary Clinton: Piling On The Princess of Prevarication (video)

Dyslexic Hillary Staffer Meant to Plant Answers

The Guy From Boston: Screwed Up Senators (X-rated language video)

Dennis Kucinich Campaign Film Explains Impeachment Resolution

History of Illegal Immigration in a couple of minutes (video)

Mukasey to Kennedy: ‘You Should Have Waterboarded Me’

Liberal Insult Generator

Lions For Lambs (video)

Hat tip Pookie 18

TEMPTINGLY EXPENSIVE

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Thieves have stolen a Maybach luxury limousine worth 530,000 euro ($777,000) while the car's owner had dinner in a Moscow restaurant, Russian media reported Wednesday.

Thieves bundled the owner's chauffeur into the back seat and threatened to kill him, the Kommersant newspaper reported. The driver was later abandoned outside Moscow's ring road.

Police said they suspected the car was stolen to order by a special gang for sale in Kazakhstan or Ukraine.

The Maybach has been adopted as the ultimate status symbol by Russia's super-rich. There are only a few dozen in Russia and this was the first case of one being stolen, the daily said.

FLORIDA SHERIFF RESPONDS

Great Answer from Florida Sheriff!!!

As reported earlier this week, some dirtbag who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him.

The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.

Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued.

The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun.

SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

Now here's the kicker:

Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel - "That's all the bullets we had."

ODDS & ENDS

Hillary Clinton gave a pep talk to her alma mater Wellesley College Friday. The campus is reeling from the news that a Wellesley student was arrested for trying to stab her boyfriend to death. Not every Wellesley student is as forgiving as Hillary.

President Bush compared Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Adolf Hitler on Thursday. That's silly. There's been a Broadway musical about Adolf Hitler but there could never be one about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad because there are no homosexuals in Iran.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger startled listeners last week when he ad-libbed that marijuana is not a drug, it's a leaf. It caused widespread dismay. The writers weren't even on strike yet and already the actors didn't know what to say.

Hillary Clinton denied Sunday she is secretive about her past work on health care reform. She said people don't understand how the National Archives handles their documents. The public can see everything once they get Sandy Berger's pants off.

Condi Rice denounced General Pervez Musharraf for his crackdown in Pakistan on Monday. The same day, President Bush defended Musharraf as a strong fighter against radicals. This was enough to convince the tabloids they're no longer seeing each other.

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg's political advisor said Monday the mayor would spend a billion dollars of his own money on an independent White House run. His entry wouldn't change the outcome. As a billionaire conservative he'd take votes from Republicans and as an admitted sexual harasser he would take donors from the Clintons.

The Writers Guild strike put late-night comics into reruns Monday. This should help President Bush. Instead of raking him over the coals over waterboarding they'll be raking Bill Clinton over the coals for ruining the carpet in the Oval Office study.

GOP candidate Ron Paul took in four million dollars in donations Tuesday. The longtime Texas congressman and gynecologist vows to pull out of Iraq immediately and abolish the IRS. He is a lot like Reagan except those aren't his feet in the stirrups.

Hillary Clinton said Tuesday she supports governors who are dealing with the problem of driver's licenses for illegal aliens but not necessarily what they do about it. No wonder the illegal alien vote is for her. Hillary's the patron saint of trimming and hedging.

The Senate opened a formal probe into televangelists Tuesday. The senators say televangelists are living in opulent luxury by preying on the poor and the sick. If they want to do that they're going to have to run for office just like everybody else.

Kathleen Willey just wrote a book about her experience in the Oval Office with President Clinton. It affects her to this day. Every time she watches Addams Family re-runs and that hand comes out of the box, she runs screaming from the room.

Retired federal judge Michael Mukasey was narrowly approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee for Attorney General Tuesday. The judge is one tough customer. It took three long weeks but he finally agreed that confirmation hearings are torture.

Fox Network had to suspend production of its counterterror drama Twenty-Four last week. The show became a casualty of the writer's strike. President Bush took the megaphone out of the desk drawer and vowed he will bring the Writers Guild to justice.

Hillary Clinton's campaign denied Thursday that she and her staffers failed to tip a waitress at a restaurant in Iowa last month. Actually she gave her an excellent tip. She told her never to answer a question about driver's licenses for illegal aliens.

hat tip Pookie 18